Featured

The walk.

Camelback Mountain, AZ

COVID-19 has turned lives upside down through our the entire planet. Not in a million years did I think that something like this can happen in our lifetime. When the first waves of this illness began to hit I was working at the hospital, seeing it first hand. My husband’s business began to slowly collapse (we own a school) and then public schools, churches, stores, parks got shut down – all was happening so quickly and felt like a bad dream. Right now we are in the middle of worldwide quarantine, something that is causing us all to walk by fear or by faith. As I was hiking in the mountains the other day I saw a staircase in between two rocks. It reminded me so much of what my life looks and feels like. It reminded me of what we are all walking out today.

Life is often about walking that stairway in between two rocks (two hard places). It is how we are going to walk and how we are going to overcome the hardships that determines the quality of our lives. The most important thing to remember is to adapt to the circumstances and keep living. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, we don’t know if tomorrow will even come but if we keep a positive outlook and eliminate defeat from our dictionary we will always end up as winners. Leaning on God during these times has filled my heart with unshakable peace and comfort, it has given me an ability to continue to move forward and live.

Don’t loose yourself in the midst of current circumstances. Concentrate on the goals you had before and pursue them with even more passion. Pour into your kids and your family like never before. Work on your relationships. These scary, hard, uncertain times help us to re-evaluate past decisions and mistakes. It is the perfect time to fix them. Apologize, connect, email, write letters, call those who you have lost contact with. Be thankful – use this time to slow down and reflect on those you can extend thanksgiving to. The teachers, hospital workers and first responders, grocery store workers who have been working round clock…and many others. Reach your goals – what is it that you have been desiring and did not have time for? Reading, napping, learning, healthy lifestyle, researching, deep cleaning, hobbies, de-cluttering – all those things you now have time for! Support your community any way you can. Just because we are social distancing does not mean we are no longer pouring into those around us. We are better when we help others, don’t let this trait go.

When all this ends we will all have a chance to look back at the way we walked it out. I think of this every day. I want to be proud of myself, I want to feel accomplished. I want to carry though with a positive outlook. I don’t want to have regrets. I want to grow and learn from it. I still want to make memories. I don’t want this time to be wasted. Life still goes on around us, look at the beautiful blossoms that are opening up on the trees, the circumstances are not affecting them.

I keep on thinking about kids – they are watching us through this. Now is the moment when we teach them how to persevere through hard circumstances, things that are out of our human control. We don’t know what they may encounter in their lifetime and we are responsible to set them up for success in their walk. Success when things are scary, difficult, out of control. This is when we pour the foundation of future generations.

I am praying daily for those affected by the virus and current World situation. I am confident that this will pass and we will return to the normalcy of life. If you need a prayer or support during these hard times, please reach out and email me at darialitvinov@hotmail.com. I will be happy to pray for you and your family. Stay home. Stay safe. Be blessed!

the Ink. the blood. the Jesus.

As promised, here is the part two of the Suffering blog found below. It is not easy for me to write, as I know there may be judgement for this decision of mine from some. We all have different ways we look at things and I just ask that if you are opposed of what I am about to open up, please love me through it.  So far in life, I was the one opposing this, but nonetheless here I am 🙂

I GOT A TATTOO.

3/9/2020 Ink Illusions Kirkland, WA

Suffering was and continues to be a part of my life during various seasons. In my last season a thought came to me about a tattoo of the cross on my right wrist. I dismissed that idea, but it kept on coming back to me. When I was at the Women Wine and Wisdom event I received a revelation that I usually exhaust all my options before I run to Jesus with my suffering. I also realized that based on the verse in Psalm 34:18 “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” God is the closest to me in my suffering, and I wanted to be reminded of this verse forever. What if I had a reminder with me to go to the cross first (lean on God) in the midst of any circumstance? God, do you really want me to get that tattoo? Is it OK for a Christian to have a tattoo? I would always have to behave appropriately because my identity will be so visible…can I do that? I mean, I don’t even feel comfortable having that Christian fish sticker on my car because of the way I drive sometimes… Can I really pull this off? Days went on with these thoughts in my mind…

Having given my heart to God over a decade ago and learned how to listen to Him, I knew that God has begun revealing something to me. Something about my identity, strength, perseverance, remembrance, and His power above all circumstances. I then asked God to give me one more sign, a sure sign that this tattoo idea is something I would not be able to dismiss easily… sure enough I did not wait for long.

Couple weeks ago on a Sunday I came to church and the message was “The Walk”.  Our pastor spoke about Jesus and how immediately after getting baptized and filled with the Holy Spirit he walked right into temptation, the dessert for 40 days. There he was tempted with various things and came out strong. In a way our life here on earth is also filled with many temptations, even when we are filled with the Holy Spirit. Suffering is a state of temptation for me. After recognizing suffering as a temptation, I now know not to give into it but rather to persevere and walk it out, just like Jesus did. Toward the end of the sermon our pastor spoke about his recent trip to Egypt and the persecuted Christians there. He told us a story that gave me goosebumps – Coptic Christians of Egypt for many years have been under persecution first from the Roman Empire and now from Islam. They are forced to convert to Islam or die. Regardless of this suffering, they wear tattoos of a cross on their right wrist as a sign of their identity in Christ. They even tattoo their babies, so they are brought into their identity in Christ from an early age. These people face major persecution, discrimination and restrictions, major suffering and it continues today. Yes, today – while we sit in the comfort of religious freedom here in USA. Coptics carry their tattoos with pride, even though they can be killed for being a Christian. It is unreal the amount of faith these individuals have to be able to forgive their persecutors and those that discriminate them, to be able to so boldly portray their faith. I can only imagine what they are reminded of when they look at their tattoos. They show their wrists upon entrance to church gatherings, otherwise it is difficult to come in due to such high persecution.

WOW! Could God be answering me right now? Is this cross that I have pictured months ago truly such an important tradition for persecuted church? Could I commit to carrying this meaning with me for the rest of my life? What if the pastor will raise his hand and there is a tattoo of the cross on his right wrist? God let that be my last sign! Sure enough Pastor Dan then raised his right hand and showed everyone his new tattoo that he got in Egypt. I was floored, absolutely floored! At the end of the service we were invited to pray, were anointed with oil and made crosses on our wrists with the mixture of ash and oil. As I dipped my finger in oil and ash then drew my cross on the wrist, I knew my answer. Tattoo it is!

See it is not about Pastor Dan and copying what he did. Truly, it is about God answering my inner thoughts, having a conversation with me and leading me in this important decision. God showed me the importance and value of such statement on my own wrist, he showed me depth of the faith that I have never seen before…

Is it OK for a Christian to get a tattoo? / Well, this is a controversial topic. I believe – YES! If you are doing it for the right reasons. I also believe that you don’t have to have a tattoo to prove your faith, be closer to God, nor do you need to show off your faith…etc. I believe in asking God before making such commitment and I believe in His free will given to all of us. It is interesting, but some say that Jesus himself, very possibly, had a tattoo on this thigh. In Revelation 19:16 “And on His robe and on His thigh He has a name written, “KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.”

 I sat down to finalize my decision and asked myself – what exactly will this tattoo mean to me?

  1. My Identity as Christian for life.
  2. Visible symbol of my identity to others – I am not ashamed of Jesus, I won’t hide.
  3. A reminder in the suffering/temptation to lean onto God first, always.
  4. A reminder to look at the eternity, not at the perishable life on earth.
  5. A reminder to pray for persecuted Christians and thank God for the freedom I get to live in.
  6. Overcomer – Christ has overcome, so will I. I can walk out anything I face in this life, because of the cross.
  7. It is a symbol of resistance and perseverance.

About a week after experiencing the move of God on that Sunday I walked into a tattoo shop. It was a nerve-racking experience. I did this quickly because I got tired of losing sleep over this. Should I? Should I not? Could I? Could I not? What if? What will people think? What if I will lose friends over this? All of those thoughts raced and raced… I realized I was doing the right thing the moment the needle pierced my skin. The pain, the ink, the blood, the buzzing – it felt just like the baptism. In my heart I was committing myself to the Lord over again, it was me and Jesus and this moment is incomparable to anything else I felt in my entire life. A commitment, now visible to everyone, a constant reminder of my identity and hope in Him alone.

Cycles of Suffering

I have been collecting my thoughts in regards to this post for many months now. I am not sure where to start, but as always I just want to pour out my heart and share my feelings and lessons learned. This will be a two-part blog (second part is called the Ink. the blood. the Jesus). So let’s begin…

Sufferingthe state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship. Although, not a favorite word of mine, this noun is a friend that tends to follow each and every one of us throughout life.

Last year was a hard one for me; it was a year of loss, pain and despair. I’ve had people I love walk out of my life, I experienced betrayal, I had something collapse that I have been building for years, I was in the middle of unfair situations that I could not control or fix, I had health scares, surgeries, our marriage was not in the best state, motherhood was extremely difficult and there were many times I felt like a complete failure. All of these events and feelings caused me to withdraw and isolate form people, events, and opportunities and in all that made me feel like I am lying in an open casket – alive but completely defeated. Have you ever been there? I felt that I have been punched in the stomach, unable to breathe or stand up. As soon as I recovered form one blow, another one came unexpectedly over and over again. Life seemed like it was sliding downhill and I felt hopeless and weak. I cannot say I have not been in this place before; all these feelings and emotions were not new to me, however, this felt like it will never stop, too much all at once. Each new attack reminded me of those past pains, fears or insecurities that I buried inside.

I remember being extremely joyful on New Year’s night, thinking how glad I am to put 2019 behind me and finally having hope that in 2020 things will go back to “normal”. I lived through January with that sense of new found security… in February another attack out of nowhere came, another betrayal…and I knew that the magic of a new year has diminished. I once again was in that dark place, defeated, exhausted and headed for my comfortable casket. Then, God stepped in… truth is, He was there all along – I just failed to see Him, turning my eyes towards the suffering. When suffering comes upon you – TURN YOUR EYES AWAY FROM IT!

Disclaimer: I know not all suffering is the same and I am not going to compare, I simply share about my walk in this season. Those of you who suffer with severe health issues, depression, grief, mental health difficulties – please seek professional help! It will make a difference and it will help you to overcome!

Here comes the sun…

I was scheduled to attend a women’s conference at the end of February and for the first time in years I did not feel too motivated at a motivational event. The theme of the conference was “Activate” it was about achieving, stepping up and concurring your calling. The theme did not settle well with me because I was lingering in my weakness. Towards the end of the second day I wanted to go home and cry. I felt like there will be no more victories in my life since I was not willing to trust with the building process after the failure I experienced. Then, a woman stood up and said that she has a word for someone, immediately I lifted my wet and swollen eyes, knowing the word will be for me. She said “there is a young woman here who is feeling overwhelmed and defeated, you have a lot going on, multiple children, work difficulties, situations that are out of control, you feel like you have been jerked back and punished … (my heart began to beat faster- this WAS ME) . I looked around and most of the attendees were in their 50s and 60s.The woman then continued with the words that just floored me: “…you are not in the casket, you are in the incubator. God is nurturing you, breathing life into you, rest and receive at this time”. Immediately I realized that the feeling of being in a casket was not the truth, it was the enemy’s bate for me to discourage me at the time of my weakness. God knew my thoughts, he heard my cry, he saw my suffering and all along he was nurturing me, not dismissing me! I failed to see that in the moment but I see it so clearly now … Allow God to nurture and breathe life into you at your weakest moments! Those moments when you feel like you cannot go on, completely defeated lean into God, for He is the closest to you during those times! God leans in to us especially close when we are in the cycle of suffering. I love this verse from Psalms 34:18 – The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

What is it that you turn to in the midst of a suffering?

In the past I have turned to people, pride, self – righteousness, hurt, food, entertainment, alcohol, gossip, other distractions, overworking, isolation, self – punishment, self – doubt, judgement, and every other thing under the sun to distract and temporarily relieve the symptoms of suffering. I even have turned away from God because I was internally upset at Him for allowing this to happen (see my blog “Is it ok to be angry at God” for more on that).

I have since learned that my number one step in the suffering is always to lean into God and my Faith, my identity in Him. Even during those times when I messed up and was the one who caused the suffering I still found Grace, Forgiveness and Strength when casting my worries on God. God always reminds me of my identity as being righteous through him – no matter what situation I end up in, I am made righteous through His love and His suffering on the cross. As long as I continue to work on personal growth, acknowledge my mistakes – no one is allowed to call me a failure.  So I am learning to turn away from things that will only burden and trap me further and lean onto God and the righteous path.

The second glimpse of sunshine came in the form of an invitation to Women Wine and Wisdom (W3) event at Matthews Winery in Woodinville, WA held every last Wednesday of the month (highly recommend if you are in the area!). The speaker that day spoke about cycles of suffering. She told her powerful testimony of being adopted and shared moments of her life where she too has experienced suffering. Some of the things that I took away from there is that suffering is a part of being a human, we all go through it and we are together in it. No one can avoid it, but we can sure learn how to walk through it with confidence and strength. Suffering is a cycle; it has beginning and certainly has an end. It is so easy to fall into despair in the moment of suffering and think that life will not change and this situation will never go away, but it is a lie of the enemy. Everything in life has beginning and an end, even our life here on earth will end one day.

What are you suffering with today? It is insecurity or self-doubt? Is it grief and the pain of a loss? Is it a broken heart due to relationship that ended? Is it broken dreams and hopes? Is it a project that you have been investing to for a long time that suddenly collapsed? It is post-partum depression? Is it weight and body issues? It is your health or the health of your loved one? Is it fear and anxiety that are so elevated in our community today? Is it hopelessness? It is weakness or even laziness? Is it a difficult marriage? Are you currently going through a divorce? Or are you feeling alone and defeated in motherhood? Do you feel lonely in your community? Did you just move to a new area and have no friends? Are those financial difficulties? Or maybe you cannot find a job? What if it is just PMS and a part of women’s monthly cycle of suffering? Is it depression? Anxiety?  Are you overwhelmed? Betrayed? Truth is, suffering comes in all shapes and forms and we all have experienced it at one point. You cannot compare one to another, but you can always take steps to allow God to pick you up in any situation.

Here are some lessons that I have learned in my suffering:

Don’t isolate! / Isolation is where you will get defeated! Trust me; I am the queen of isolation! I am an avoider by nature so when I mess up or get hurt – I run into my cave. DON’T DO IT, it is very dangerous! Depression will meet you in your isolation each and every time – she lives there!

Instead of isolation, let God know exactly how you feel! I do it in a form of a diary, prayer or even an internal thought – tell him how it is and how you feel about the situation. The second – let a trusted friend know how you feel. I believe we are meant to support one another and carry each other’s burdens by simply being there for one another. If you have been betrayed by a friend and it is hard for you to trust again, please don’t isolate from people. Give people another chance, open your heart up for new relationships, allow people to love on you and speak life into you. Find the right kind of friends, who will motivate you, support you in your suffering, have open conversations with you, the ones who are in the process of growth themselves, friends of strong faith and clean motives. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with, those are the ones you want to trust with your suffering. On the other hand, when someone reaches out to you with their pain, don’t try to fix it – just listen and don’t tell them about your own issues in the moment. We tend to try to fix other’s problems but truth is – we cannot. Often times people are not even looking for solutions, rather for genuine care and someone to hear them out.

Allow the pain to take you somewhere / Instead of blocking out the pain and pushing it away (living in denial of the situation), allow the pain to take you places. There is a reason why you are in this situation, find what lesson you can extract from it. Each pain will take you to a new place and will make you stronger at the end. Look at exercise, it hurts so much when we lift those weights but we get stronger each time and recover. The result of your new toned up body is the biggest reward. Live through the pain and you will come out stronger at the end. I guarantee you, next time you encounter the same situation it will not hurt as much, you will know just how to stand firmly on your two feet and how to walk out the situation in victory.

Use pain for something good / Having gone through things, I am now more sensitive to others. I learned things that I do that hurt others and I work on eliminating those from my life. I learned how lonely and difficult it is to be in certain situations, I am now more aware of how others around me feel when they go through their cycles of suffering and I am more compassionate. Allow this pain to yield in something good – how can you use your painful and difficult experiences to now love on others? Maybe you have more time now – invest it into something good, your dreams, goals, volunteer opportunities! Grow love in the place of where there once was pain! These are the things that will often help to find your calling in life.

Rebuild / Sometimes suffering happens like an earthquake. I have noticed that there were things in my life that I have built on wrong foundations. For example, ministry that was built on performance and desire to be recognized; relationships that were built on gossip, sin or lies; insecurities that were built from the negative things I accepted about myself and so on. God shakes all those things like an earthquake, destroys false foundations to allow us to rebuilt new and strong. It is painful to see something you have been building destroyed, but it is so joyful to extract the lesson and have an opportunity to start over fresh. It grows you as a person and I have found much peace and wisdom in that process.

Persevere / Some things are not in our hands to change. Health issues, mental health disorders, loss, accidents that change the corse of life and other things are very hard. Through such situations I believe we are called to persevere and find a new normal. Seek professional help, support groups and continue to pray. Find strength and hope in God and allow Him to walk you through the situation. During all three of my pregnancies I was suffering with hyperemesis gravidarum – a severe form of morning sickness that requires medical intervention. I was so miserable for the whole 9 months each time and felt so alone, I had to persevere through this and my reward was our amazing three children. I became stronger as a mom, able to truly value the miracle of childbirth, understand and support the community of moms who are currently walking this difficult path.

There is a way out / No temptation has overtaken you except what is common of mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will also provide a way our so that you can endure it (Corinthians 10:13). In this latest season of suffering I have learned to look at it as a temptation, a learning opportunity, and an exercise that is meant to make me stronger, wiser and more durable in the future. I learned to expect it in a way and not to be caught off guard when it comes. Look at Jesus, he certainly was not protected from all this, look at his journey – the first thing that he stepped into after being baptized and filled with the Holy Spirit was suffering (40 days of temptation in the desert in Luke 4), this is the proof that we are not alone in this. He made a pathway for us, once you lean on God – you will find the right path for you and walk this out and God will provide a way.

Nuggets of Wisdom

Suffering is a part of life and we cannot avoid it, rather learn how to walk through it.

Suffering is a cycle that has beginning and an end.

God is the closest to you in the times of suffering, lean into God and your faith.

Persevere when the circumstances are beyond your control.

Don’t isolate in your suffering, find a trusted friend and other avenues of support.

Extract life lessons during your season of suffering.

Know your identity, the situation you are in does not define you – there is grace and forgiveness, always.

Allow the pain to make you stronger; do not just block it out.

Use your pain for something good, support others, find your calling, and invest your time into good things.

Allow God to break down false foundations and rebuild new, strong ones!

As always, if you need a prayer or if I can be of any support to you in your suffering cycle, please email me at darialitvinov@hotmail.com. I would love to know how this resonates with you. Blessings, Dasha.

Friends forever?

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

When I was in elementary school I had a best friend – Rita. I remember how amazing it felt to spend time with her, how we understood each other without needing to speak at times, how she shared her food with me at school (something that I cannot do myself), how we saved up money to buy books and enjoyed sharing them with one another. I remember long playdates after school where we made plans for the future. We were looking forward to graduation which at that time was many years away. We made precise plans about our weddings and pregnancies and we vowed to be there no matter what. We were going to be old grandmas together and pretty much be inseparable our entire lives. Rita was my outlet, as I struggled to trust and relate to my parents in my childhood. If I close my eyes I still remember that amazing feeling of joy when we made future plans and spent time together. I still catch myself returning to that part of my childhood at times.

In 2002 my family immigrated to USA and our friendship with Rita took a wild turn as she stayed in Kyrgyzstan. During those times there was no internet, there was no Skype and we had to buy calling cards from European store to call overseas. The call was allowed once a week on Sunday and lasted 30 minutes and was only used to call my grandparents. Rita and I resolved to writing letters and sending them by mail. Letters took months to arrive, but boy was it joyful to receive one! Sometimes we would sneak stickers into the letters and those letters were extra special. As time went on our letters got shorter and I began to struggle with things to share too. One day we stopped writing all together. Our friendship slowly ended and the reality of living on two different continents settled in. Rita was not there for my wedding or the birth of my three children, nor was I there for hers. Instead, there were other girls that walked into our lives and filled that spot of being next to us during significant moments of our lives.

Immigration taught me one important yet shocking lesson in life: Friendships are not forever. Our plans are not set in stone. There is life, there are consequences and we must be prepared for that. See, since a very young age friends were my lifeline. I gave myself 110% into the relationships. I spent good 15 years of my life chasing that same feeling I once had being friends with Rita. This feeling made me a person of many friends and at the same time a person who made many mistakes. Here are some mistakes that I made in the relationships:

  1. Putting friendships before my family
  2. Having too many close friends and not having time for all of them, this caused me to hurt people unintentionally but often deeply
  3. Being “too open”. I considered everyone my best friend so I always was an open book this caused people to be jealous and hurt as the learned I was also as close and as open with others.
  4. Putting them first – not standing up for myself and people pleasing caused many torn relationships
  5. I allowed myself to get hurt way too often when others did not put me first
  6. Expecting others to do/act/perform in the same way I did towards them
  7. Avoiding hard conversations – caused much miscommunication and brokenness
  8. Gossip! I regret it so much
  9. Judging others
  10. Talking too much about myself caused me to fail to see others often

In the last two years I truly have been tackling this list as I struggled in my friendships. In that journey I have allowed God to mold my heart, my mind and my understanding of relationships. It was a battle for me, it was not easy. I have also lost a few friends during this time. I learned so much! But here is what I learned and here is what is different now:

  1. I put my family FIRST
  2. I don’t rush into becoming best friends with someone (yet still friendly and polite)
  3. I have a small circle of trusted girls who I come to with an open heart
  4. I am learning to stand up for myself and my wants in the relationship
  5. I have dropped any expectations or assumptions towards my friends
  6. I learned how to apologize and openly talk about hard things, issues
  7. I stand against gossip and judgement
  8. I treat everyone with respect and I try to look at others with positive perspective
  9. I have learned how to let people go and forgive fully
  10. I no longer believe that all friendships last a lifetime and thats OK. I learned how to live and enjoy the moment and the beauty of today in a relationship and how to be thankful for the good memories I have.
  11. I have also learned that when you least expect it some lost people can return and God is truly in the business of restoration.

So why do I write this today? Mostly because I feel so free! I feel victorious over an issue that has been bothering me for years. I feel that I have grown and matured through this journey. Today I have all kinds of friendships close and distant, lost and recovered. Today I know that it takes a village and then some to give me that good feeling I once had with Rita 🙂 I cannot say that my friendships and relationships are flawless – oh, far from it! But thats the beauty of our life – it needs to be continuously figured out and we must live it with an open heart.

Today was a good day. I am thankful for the girl who called to cry with me because she is struggling. Today I had a friend who took her time and visited me with her family while being on a short trip to our state. The girl who confronted me this week in regards to a conflict that we had two years ago and our friendship was reconciled. I am thankful to the girl who messaged me to say that she missed us at the New Years party last night. I am thankful to the one who said she does not want to see me until I recover from my cold because she is afraid to catch it (; I am thankful for my mentor-friends who will continue to teach me throughout this next year. I am thankful for all my social media friends who inspire me with their posts. I am thankful for the girls I will get to spend my Friday night with, laughing away over dinner. I am thankful to those coworker friends who get to listen to my crazy “i got stuck in the elevator” stories. I am even thankful to those with whom I lost contact over this last year, as the good times we had still exist in my memory and are not lost. Today I am so blessed and excited for what is yet to come in my relationships and life in the new 2020 year! Today, I am once again enjoying that warm feeling that only friends can bring into your life.

Thanks to social media I am now “instagram friends” with Rita and we enjoy looking into each other’s lives and sharing occasional comments. We both are married and we both are moms now. Friendships are not forever, they constantly change and evolve, they end and they begin – and in all that they are wonderful!

Vera Victoria

Born 10/14/2019. “For this child we have prayed” 1 Samuel 1:27

About 8 months ago I wrote about God’s miracle that happened through a prayer (A miracle Occurs Blog below) please stop here and read it to get the full story 🙂 . I promised to notify my readers when this miracle baby safely arrived. It is with great Joy I announce that she is here! Her name is Vera and she is wonderful! I want to clarify that she is not my baby, she is a child of a close friend. However, Let’s start from the beginning…

After learning about my friend’s miracle pregnancy and a supernaturally answered prayer, I spent many days praying for this baby to make it safely to our World. There were complications, there were fears, there were circumstances and it was not easy. It is interesting how even when we receive a promise from the Lord we battle with fears and uncertainty. I am usually a person of faith, yet in this particular journey I found myself to be fearful and faithless at times. I was anticipating the day of her birth and patiently waiting to meet her. Few days before the due date I got a ticket to fly out for the delivery but little Vera beat me to it and came early 🙂 Her birth was just 2 hours long, quick and healthy! I met her on the third day of her life, which is significant for me. Number 3 in the Bible represents divine wholeness, completion and fulfillment. I believe the moment we all re-united was God’s stamp and seal on the whole story. It is finished and it is so good!

I fell in love with her from the moment I saw her. Her name is Vera Victoria – which means Faith and Victory! What a powerful name she has! I am confident that she will be a woman of great faith and she will have many victories in her life. She certainly has a big assignment form the Lord to bless people with faith and miracles!

Looking at her and holding her I was constantly reminded what a gift she is to her family, to me and to this World. In her young age she already taught me to be faithful until the end. She taught me to hold on to the promises the Lord gives, to be confident that God works through me. She made me desire to pray again and again for those who are struggling to have children with more faith, boldness and anointing. She taught me not to be afraid or look at the circumstances and fears. She taught me to pursue each day with hope and expect miracles.

I was asked to be her God Mother and it is with great honor I accepted that role. Together with her mama we dedicated Vera to the Lord, we blessed her and united in this journey for life. A flash from the past reminded me of how exactly 10 months ago we were in the same way sitting on the bed and praying for a miracle. Now we were holding her in our hands. My heart is forever grateful.

Vera Victoria – my God Daughter

I promise to love you every single day of your life, unconditionally. I promise to pray for you and be there for you through all walks of your life. I promise to never judge you. I promise to support you. I promise to be slow to speak and fast to listen. I promise to celebrate all of your Birthdays! I promise to carry you in my heart for all the days of my life.

Jesus, thank you for this amazing gift! Thank you for choosing me to be a part of Vera’s life from before her conception! Thank you that in you we have hope and miracles! Thank you for healing. Thank you that you care. Today I pray that you heal many more, that you send more miracle babies into this World!

Rejection

But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:14

This is probably one of my most vulnerable writings but a strong desire to speak on this topic has been burning in me. Rejection – a poison that touches every single one of us in some way. Whether we are rejected from birth by being an unwanted child or we are rejected by people around us – it hurts, it damages, it isolates us and it makes us weak.

What is rejection?

Simply put rejection is hindered ability to receive love, comfort or sense of belonging. Humans have high need for love, which is our fuel, our motivator and what we live for. Hindered ability to receive love damages us to the core. I would like to share my story of living with, recognizing and overcoming rejection in hopes that it may lead someone to freedom. (Everything highlighted in bold below is an entry-point of rejection into my life).

I was the first child in the family and was born during the time when my parents were building their careers, education and striving to accomplish a bright future for our family. This was a busy time for them and I was often left with grandmother, babysitters, daycare, and when I got older I was left alone at home often. As I began to build relationships outside of my family I experienced fights with my friends, betrayal, rejected by boys when relationships ended or I was cheated on. I was rejected by teachers when my work was not good enough and so on. In school I especially struggled with handwriting – it was always so bad (thank God for computers these days!) but I struggled to write neat and legible and I got in so much trouble both from teachers and parents. I remember being compared to other students, long hours of being punished with writing words and sentences until my hand hurt. I remember constantly having a blister on one of my fingers from working so hard on my handwriting at school and at home. Well, nothing worked and to this day I have horrible handwriting. The only thing that did stick with me is insecurity about my handwriting, shame for being so bad and not good enough. This is how rejection works – a small thing, a small seed enters your mind and it just GROWS. To many of you my handwriting story may seem insignificant, but to me it is so real – as I write this I still feel pain from that experience and I am reminded of it every time I see my own handwriting.

In 2002 my family immigrated to US and we settled in a beautiful town Seattle, WA. This was my American dream, life is supposed to be amazing here. I went to school right away and collided head on with BULLYING! I did not speak english much, therefore I was kids favorite person to pick on. We didn’t have much money so I shopped at thrift stores (before thrifting was cool) so I was constantly made fun of in regards to my clothing, appearance, my inability to communicate or relate to others. I was alone, unhappy and struggling. I remember a counselor in Junior high school somehow found out about kids bullying me in regards to clothing. She took me and another immigrant friend of mine on a shopping spree to Ross and PaylessShoes. I will remember that woman for the rest of my life, what she did for me that day was beyond kindness. She is the reason why I want to dedicate my life’s career to becoming a counselor myself. She wasn’t my mother, but she cared and she extended that care to me. I remember walking into the school with my head held high in my new pink sweatsuit and white sneakers, feeling on top of the World and SECURE! Bullying subsided as I learned english, my parents got better jobs and I was working as well and we were finally able to afford better things. With my english improving kids realized that I can be fun and I finished High School with many friends 🙂

The pink suit and white sneakers that made a huge difference in my life. Spring 2003

About 5 years after we immigrated to US leaving all our relatives behind. My parents divorced and though that more rejection flooded my heart. My dad left us on New Years Day, which in itself took away a lot from me. New Years is a big holiday for slavic people, growing up I remember preparing for days in advance and having the most amazing dinner, gifts and being surrounded by family for two days straight. Staying up all night long was a huge bonus too! Let’s just say New Years had not been the same for me ever since. After their divorce I began seeking to fill my longing for love. I turned to boys, parties, work, alcohol, and soon drugs. I was chaotic, carefree and destructive. Every night I would fall asleep longing for love, unfulfilled no matter how hard I tried. Every night I dozed off into that pillow with a heavy and rejected heart, except at that time I did not know it was rejection. See, I got so used to living with it that rejection became my best friend, my safety zone. I isolated myself and built such strong walls around my heart making sure that no one would get inside and hurt me again. Those walls were built out of hurts, pains, fears and disappointments of my life. It was like a living monument that hid my heart, took away my ability to love and to be loved. It was one thing I looked at to define who I was. I became a slave of longing for love, chasing every shiny thing that reminded me of love. I look back at those years with sadness and regret. I lived in this prison of rejection for majority of my life.

Then, things finally began to change.

It was many years later, I became a Christian; I got married to an amazing, loving husband; we were blessed with children, wonderful home, education, careers, friends, family around us. I finally reached my “American dream” by working so hard towards it. However, I still fell asleep crying on the inside. I still felt alone. I was constantly under severe fear that I don’t deserve this happiness, that my family and all these blessings will be taken away from me any minute. I KNEW my family loved me, but I DID NOT feel it with my heart. I KNEW Jesus loved me, but it was all just in my head, I could not FEEL it with my heart. It was as if I changed one trap for another, but I was still trapped. I shared once with a group of girlfriends that I don’t feel love nor can I feel me expressing genuine love towards my kids and husband, and they laughed. They did not understand it, they did not have this problem. I was alone, again and always, alone. Sometime after this incident my mentor suggested that I may be the victim of rejection. I was first embarrassed, then shocked, then I got curious and googled it. What I found raised hairs in the back of my head. I read the article about signs that you may be struggling with rejection and I realized that it was completely about me! It included things I was battling with but could not overcome no matter how hard I tried. As if someone posted my secret list of things I want to change about myself – on google! Here it is:

  1. You find yourself comparing your circumstances or situations with others, and you never  seem to measure up.
  2. You feel like you missed out on life’s opportunities and now it’s too late.
  3. No amount of encouragement is enough to convince you of your worth.
  4. You feel rejected if you are not greeted or acknowledged by leadership.
  5. You constantly seek the approval of others and struggle with people pleasing.
  6. You are easily offended or embarrassed from discipline or correction.
  7. You are always trying to prove yourself in public.
  8. You feel like you are on the outside looking in during interactions with people.
  9. You think you could do a better job than the current leader or teacher if you are given the opportunity.
  10. You believe no one understands you, or what you are going through
  11. You isolate yourself.
  12. You believe God has rejected you ( loves others more or instead of you).
  13. You don’t allow others to see or know about things that are dear to your heart.
  14. You struggle with fear that people will reject or abandon you.

All of the things above related to me and severely impacted my life. Although not many knew about it. Isolation was my best friend and I secretly waited for that day when everyone would abandon me. My family really struggled from me constantly isolating myself. As life went on rejection was building on from one incident to another like cake layers getting bigger and bigger in my heart and I wanted to isolate more and more. I remember an especially dark season of depression and hopelessness during which I cried out to God, sat down on my knees in the darkness of my closet and said – ” I don’t know what you want me to say to you, but I cant live like this any longer. I don’t know whats wrong with me but I am tired of fighting with this. I am broken.” Then I heard inner voice, it was Jesus: ” You have never accepted my love, you always give it away to others, you need to let me inside of your heart. The reason why you are tired and cant go on any longer is because your own love tank will never be enough for everyone around you, nor it will be enough for yourself. Start with inviting me back into your heart and break the walls that you have built and let me fill you with my love“. I accepted this invitation and in a simple prayer chose to break the walls and allow Jesus to truly penetrate my heart.

When I choose to break the walls that were surrounding my heart I also chose to stop looking at my fears and disappointments, remembering past rejections of my life. I chose to forgive those who have hurt me and to set them free. I chose to give that ALL into the hands of my Creator. I simply handed it over to Him and that began my journey to complete freedom. I am rejoicing today that when I typed that list out for you earlier in this blog, not one of those things is longer a part of me. It is a HUGE victory! I spent many years not believing I am worthy of true love and freedom, but I am worthy and I am free today!

How to be set free from rejection?

Here I want to take a pause as I know some of you may not believe in Jesus, and I don’t want to just speak to believers here. If you are struggling with rejection and you don’t believe in God and you don’t want to dedicate your life to him – you can start your way of getting rid of this by seeking help of a professional counselor. Someone who is trained to guide you through healing of the past traumas that caused rejection within you. It will take away many symptoms, but I don’t know if it will truly get to the root of this problem, as in my opinion, this is deeply spiritual. My way to freedom was through Jesus and to be completely honest, I believe only our Creator, God – Jesus Christ can completely free us from these things. If you want to get to know Jesus, begin with dedicating your life to him and inviting him into your heart.

Dedicating your life to Jesus prayer: Jesus I don’t know you, but I want to know you. Today I choose to give you my heart, please take it into your hands and heal it. I choose to dedicate my life to you today. Please forgive me my sins, I thank you that you do. Please wash me clean, I thank you that you do. I believe that you died for me on the Cross and through your blood today I am washed clean and accepted into your Kingdom. May today be the beginning of my journey with you. I choose to trust you and turn away from my selfish and sinful ways from this day forward. Amen.

Rejection Prayers

Rejection typically has four layers – Rejection of God, Self-Rejection, Fear of Rejection and Rejection of Others.

Rejection of God: Father God, I am sorry for all the times and all the ways I have rejected you, please forgive me. I repent for not believing you, for not listening to you and for refusing your love. I repent for not trusting you and for doubting your love for me. I repent for all the stubbornness, pride, self-will and rebellion that either I or my family have walked in. In the name of Jesus, I renounce all rejection of God, I renounce all involvement with any spirit that will lead me to reject God. I renounce and break all vows and covenants all soul ties and generational ties that would bind me to the rejection of God. I choose to love God with all my heart, all my soul and all my mind. I renounce every spirit that has to do with the rejection of God and now as a choice of my will I break down this wall now in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

Self-Rejection: Heavenly Father I repent for rejecting myself, I repent for all the negative things I thought and said about myself. I repent for not accepting myself and trying to be someone I never meant to be. I repent for not believing that I have worth and value just as I am. I turn away from rejecting myself and I renounce all lies I have believed about myself. I renounce and break every curse I have thought or spoken about myself. I choose to accept myself. I break all ties with self rejection and every spirit that would lead me to reject myself. I rise up now against this wall of self rejection and I break it down in Jesus name. AMEN.

Fear of Rejection: Holy God, I repent for giving in to the fear of rejection. I repent of all lying and deception, suspicion and mistrust and control and manipulation that either I or my family have given place to. I repent for trying to please people instead of you. Lord I repent of my self-protective behavior and all self pity. And now I renounce the fear of rejection and all the destructive behavior it has led me into. I renounce and break all soul ties and all generational ties to the fear of rejection. I break its hold in my life. I refuse to be bound to this fear any longer and I break down this wall of the fear of rejection. I break it down now in Jesus name. Amen.  Fear of rejection, you must go.

Rejection of others: I repent of rejecting others. I ask you to forgive me for all the hurt and pain I have caused. I repent of my unforgiveness and resentment towards those who have hurt me. I repent of judging, blaming and criticizing them, for wanting to hurt them or tear them down. Spirit of rejection I renounce you and I renounce all the ways I have allowed you to influence me to reject others. I renounce all anger, unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness towards others. I renounce all soul ties and generational ties to the rejection of others. I choose to be a forgiving person and I release forgiveness to everyone who has hurt me. Spirit of rejection of others I rise up against you and I break down this wall of the rejection of others, I break it down now in Jesus name. Amen.

Final prayer: Rejection, I REJECT YOU in JESUS NAME – AMEN!

Saying these prayers has greatly changed my life and now is your turn 🙂 Today I pray for your freedom, whatever it is that you are going through in life – you are not alone and there is freedom and hope! It just takes a little bit of work and a lot of faith and you will get there. As always, if you need a prayer or any kind of support I am here for you. If you can share a testimony how my blog is resonating with you please write to me, this is what gives me Joy! My email is: darialitvinov@hotmail.com.

Blessings!

A Shower of Concrete.

Definition of Concrete: a heavy, rough building material made from a mixture of broken stone or gravel, sand, cement, and water, that can be spread or poured into molds and that forms a mass resembling stone on hardening.

I had an interesting thought the other day. As I drove by the construction site I saw a guy pour out concrete as if he was a firefighter putting out a fire. What an odd scene I thought, what if this concrete splashes around and leaves its marks in unnecessary places? You have to be careful with concrete, you need to mold it into the right shape and place, as it dries fairly quickly. I then made a parallel with life – how often are we hit by fast drying streams of concrete that stick to us and wont leave unless we take measures. As it hardens it becomes like stones that we carry in our hearts and minds. They are heavy, they are bothersome and they are not in their right place. The things I talk about are the unnecessary burdens we all carry from day to day. What are they?

Anger, bitterness, regret, worry, people pleasing, grief, jealousy, negative outlook on life, gossip, hopelessness, hate, self-imposed overwork, “sins” of the past, fear of the future, prejudice, insecurities, fears, fear of missing out, fear of not measuring up, feeling that something or someone is stalling your life, unnecessary commitments and responsibilities, comparison, negative body image, and many more!

All these things are like specks of concrete that once hit you and dried up, making your walk heavy and uncomfortable. Life is not meant to be lived in this way and there are ways to get rid of these things through self – examining, recognition and unburdening (cleansing). In the last three years I have been in a constant state of unburdening myself and with many victories behind me, I feel compelled to share what has helped me. I have learned the art of placing these burdens where they belong – under my feet as a foundation towards a stronger future. See, concrete is not that bad when it is carefully molded and put in its right place. That is when it provides strong foundation to the buildings and serves it’s God-given purpose. Don’t let the things that are burdening you rule your life, place them under your feet and walk on them as an overcomer. Not only you will be strengthened, but the effect will be passed down to your children and for many generations to come.

How does one get rid of these things you may ask?

Well, people have different ways. Personally, the Grace of Jesus has been one of the biggest ones for me. When I recognize that I am carrying burdens, I bring them to God in prayer, repent for carrying these burdens, forgive those who have caused me pain, renounce the effects of these burdens off of my life, take authority over a habit that I formed while carrying them and then receive what Jesus has instead of this burden for me. Counseling, meditation, spending time reflecting and letting go, reading self help books on the topic, talking to a trusted friend or a parent, asking someone to pray for you are also good ways to begin the process of unburdening yourself.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Matthew 11:28-29 AMP “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls”.

Whatever your walk of life is, whether you are believer or not, I pray this message brings you to freedom. These things must be talked about, brought to life, you are not alone in this. It is so important to be aware that we are all hit by these concrete showers from early childhood. The cleansing is possible and awareness is the first step. Desire to get rid of them is the next step. Repentance is the third, along with forgiveness (which is one of the most important ones!). I have been practicing forgiveness regularly, forgiving my husband, forgiving my kids, forgiving others who may have hurt my feelings or said something that did not settle well, forgiving my boss, the government, the guy who is driving way too slow and causing the traffic – you name it! There are lots of reasons to forgive DAILY and there is always freedom that comes after that! The fourth step is learning how to live without the burden, not falling into the comfort of old habits, taking authority over them. The final step is to receive – receive from God, from your renewed mind, from your friend, parent or a loved one. Receive love and Grace. Flip the burden ( anger = love, bitterness = happiness, grief = peace, sadness = joy, negative = positive… etc).

Set the burdens you carry in their right place, under your feet and walk into the freedom on a stronger than ever foundation of your life. We can all do better and if we put some effort into it, we will. If you need a prayer or have a testimony, I am always happy to pray for you, please send me an email: darialitvinov@hotmail.com.

Until next time! Blessings!

A flip of a coin.

Palma de Mallorca, Spain / June 23 2019

The longer I live, the more surprised I am how God is orchestrating incredible adventures in my life when I step out in obedience and with an open heart. Many people are seeking for big miracles, big signs of God and get discouraged if nothing happens. I believe that something is happening every day, God is creating miracles daily, we just must learn how to see them. I can say with confidence that I am blessed to live a life of continuous blessings, surprises and miracles from God and I am so happy to share them on this page.

This particular miracle happened on a verge of my 31st birthday and a few days before my little sisters wedding. Her wedding was set to take place in Spain, and due to many circumstances I was not able to attend it. On June 14th I met with her and gave her a meaningful gift in honor of her marriage, we both cried as we knew we will be apart on the day of her wedding. I fought tears for days after, when I did not see a way to drop everything and fly across the world to be with her but in my heart I was ready to do it if only there was a way.

Then I started noticing small signs of God’s work:

I went to work and a coworker shared a web site with fairly inexpensive air tickets, a flight to Spain on that web site was 60% lower than what other sites were offering (miracle #1). Then she said “lets flip a coin” and we did… she flipped the coin and as it was in the air I felt my heart beating twice as fast, hoping it will land on a crown ( it was Canadian 2$ coin), hoping the coin can somehow take me to Spain (at that point the wedding was 2 days away). As the coin landed, my friend covered it and said – now tell me, what was going on in your HEART as the coin was in the air – I said I was praying it will land on the crown and be my sign to drop everything and go. She said, this is your answer and your sign that you must go and stop thinking about the circumstances that are saying otherwise. She then lifted her hand and sure enough – it was the crown. I knew that I have to go, moreover I had a slight sense that this is God and that everything will work out.

8 hours later I was on my way to Vancouver, Canada ( remember the coin?) to fly out to Germany and then Spain and make it just on time for my sisters wedding! A sense of extreme gratitude filled my heart and I felt it was about to burst, I think I was hopping through the airport, not walking 🙂 In my heart, I was so thankful to God and at the same time I could not believe I was making this trip. I remember seeing many people at the airport and I had a sense that God wants to use me to help someone. So I said a little prayer and opened my heart for that opportunity. When I got to the gate there was a lot of shuffling with the seats and I noticed a group of people standing to the side. The plane was already boarding, but I could not help it but be drawn to the crying elderly lady in the corner. I asked her what is going on and she said that her whole family is on the plain but she is not able to go because she does not have a seat and the flight is over booked. Then there was an announcement asking if someone would be willing to switch the flights and give up their seat for this lady. I knew that it was my assignment to give up my seat. The lady was flying for the first time to Europe to attend her grand daughters graduation which was happening 4 hours after the plain was set to land. If no one gave up their seat, she would have missed it. I was told that I can go through London and arrive to my final destination just 2 hours later, I agreed to the terms and in returned received a warm, teary hug from the lady and a $400 COMPENSATION FOR MY INCONVENIENCE! (knocking the price of my trip by 25%!) When I handed her my ticket, we saw that my seat was in the middle of her two daughters and we both lost it in tears of happiness. She said: ” You are right, I need to have more faith in my life!” as she ran off to board that plain and join her family! (miracle #2)

London, England / June 20th

Since my flight was switched and I was now set to fly through London, I took a train and visited the city. Visiting London has been my dream since I was 12 years old and how surprised I was to sit down in the city cafe, eating an amazing meal and celebrating my Birthday in London! ( Miracle #3) Not in any of my wildest dreams I could imagine just under 24 hours prior that God would give me this opportunity! I chose to bless that lady and in return God blessed me abundantly, making a dream come true! London was breathtaking!

Palma De Mallorca, Spain ( June 21st, 2019)

Upon arrival to Spain I was met by my crying mother, who could not believe God answered her prayer of having both daughters together at the wedding. Turns out she cried and prayed for months for me to go, but as she gave up hope – here I was, hours before the wedding arriving to Spain and surprising everyone, including myself 🙂

My family was staying at a beautiful Spanish home and everyone was extremely happy when I arrived. A sense of completion was in the air as we had dinner, talked and planned how to surprise my sister. At that time she was out with a group of friends and her future husband, enjoying the beach. She arrived home late and I jumped out of the pantry to surprise her. That moment I will never forget … her tears of happiness, our hug – it was well worth it! My head was spinning, as I could not believe it was happening in real life!

A hug I will never forget…

We spend the night talking, hugging and I kept on looking over many beautiful bridal elements she had in her room. It was a dream being there by her side. The night flew by quickly and the day we were waiting for arrived. We were so happy and relaxed! I loved being by her side, preparing her, helping her get into her dress, watching her make up and hair being done…I was so thankful to be a part of it. Our relationship grew closer through this overnight. I am eternally grateful for these hours being by her side.

At 7 pm, on June 22nd 2019 my little sister married the man of her dreams and I was there in person to see it! There was not a single dry eye during that ceremony, as they shared their love in the presence of God and the closest people. It was all worth it!

Alina and David

I could end this long, amazing story here… but not yet, as there is one more miracle that God had in store for me. I got to see beautiful Palma the day after the wedding and absolutely fell in love with Spain. I was set to fly out through Frankfurt in the evening and received a notification that my flight is delayed by 4 hours. I knew the layover will be long and prepared to take the train outside of the airport to see Frankfurt, Germany.

My 6 hours in Frankfurt were so fun! I took a tour bus, saw the city, enjoyed an amazing meal and walked around the streets of old town. I was so thankful for this long layover, which allowed me to see yet another beautiful city in Europe. I finished my trip tossing a coin into this fountain and thanking God for a weekend of miracles and dreams come true.

Frankfurt, Germany / June 24th, 2019

What conclusion do I draw out of this? God is on our side, He loves us, He takes care of us, He wants to make all of our dreams come true. The Bible says in Mark 11:24 “Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you.

When I got home I received an email from an airline that delayed my Germany flight, stating that I am entitled to $600 euro compensation for the inconvenience, making my trip 100% FREE!

Yes, God flew me to Spain for my sisters wedding – FOR FREE!

So… what is it that you need in your life? What is the next miracle that you will see with your own eyes? Pray, believe and give it into God’s hand – He will make IMPOSSIBLE – POSSIBLE!

If you are praying about something, I will be honored to join you in that prayer. You can email me at darialitvinov@hotmail.com and I will pray with you until you see your miracle!

Be blessed!

Is it OK to be Angry with God?

I was at a counseling session sometime back dealing with the issue of forgiveness towards my father, when my counselor said: ” Dasha, God picked your father for you, what do you think about that?”. Immediately I was short of breath, I could not believe the amount of anger that stirred up inside of me from hearing these words. I wanted to close my ears, and run away, I wished I had never heard her say that. I realized I was so angry at God and simultaneously I felt that my relationship with Jesus is now ruined forever…How could God do this to me? Why was he so cruel. Why would he give me a dad who caused much of my childhood trauma and then abandoned me as a teenager? Why did my friends have better dads? What did I do to deserve this?

She then asked me, what are you thinking about? How do you feel? I told her that I cannot believe God would do that to me and that my whole life I did not think of God being ever responsible for my pain. At that moment, the scariest thing for me was an intense feeling of torn relationship and trust between me and God. Going back, I became a believer at 18 years old following my parents divorce, my drug addiction and reckless lifestyle. God rescued me from self destruction and gave me a new, happy life. He truly set my feet on the right path. I trusted God from day 1 of my salvation, thanked Him and He was the only one I had clean record of a relationship with. He was the only one I trusted. He still is! But at that moment I became so fearful that now God too will abandon me because I got angry at Him.

My counselor then asked me to tell God how I feel… what do you mean? I said, I can tell Him that I am angry at Him? Yes, of corse – He is your Father and He wants you to be honest with Him about your feelings. It was hard for me to make the words come out of my mouth, but I did it – I told Him that I am angry with Him for picking my father. Immediately I felt relief, as if God was hugging me and a sense of peace came over me. I felt God say to me: ” Thank you for coming to me with this, thank you for opening up to me, you mean the World to me and I have never -ever done anything to hurt you or cause you harm. I have always been by your side, since before you were born, comforting you and protecting you. I am not the one that caused your dad act the way he did…trust me”. I began to cry rivers of tears and at the same time I let out a deep breath and received a sense of peace and reconciliation of my relationship with God. I feel that this experience made us closer and now I can come to Him with ANYTHING, even when my emotions are against Him. I can be myself with God, telling Him exactly how I feel and letting Him shine the truth on hard and tricky life situations. In my experience, coming to God with my anger towards Him set me free to a deeper trust and relationship with my Heavenly Father. I did ask God for forgiveness for my anger and false accusations I had against Him and He gladly forgave me. Forgiveness in life is the most beautiful gift – it is amazing how quickly a relationship can come back to life when you simply ask for forgiveness. Having un-forgiveness towards God can truly destroy your life at the root, setting you up for failure.

Why do people get angry at God..

In my opinion due to the lies of the enemy. I believe it is satan’s biggest assignment to set people against God. He comes in a mask, appearing as your father, blaming things on God, when in reality he is the one behind any destruction. Bible says that “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” John 10:10. In view of this, I know that anything destructive in my life is NOT caused by Jesus. When the fall of man happened (more on that in Genesis 3) the enemy got the right to rule over this Earth and attack people with his assignments. Anything broken, lacking, painful, and chaotic in your life is the autograph of the enemy. The moment you believe any of that is sent to you by God as punishment or for any other reason, you let yourself believe in the lie of the enemy and you separate yourself from God ( God never departs from you, but you can take a step back!). Many people, including myself have made a mistake of blaming God for what God DID NOT do in their lives. Even when you accept Christ as your savior you must discern if the enemy is attacking you and act accordingly.

But what about Job you say? Why did God allow the satan to torment Job? He did not! The enemy already had a right to do so due to the fall of man, therefore God did not need to give him permission to torment Job. The truth is, we will all get attacked by the enemy while we live here on Earth, but we MUST learn to discern when the attack is happening and we MUST know the truth about God – He came to save us, to give us abundant life and to love us endlessly. Today is the day you can take authority over the blame you put on God for horrible things the enemy caused in your life and be set free. Just like in my life this will cause deeper relationship with God, peace freedom and joy.

I bless you in Jesus name with higher sense of discernment in your life. I bless you to know the difference between things that are of God and that are of the enemy in your life. I bless you to reconcile with God and I bless you to learn how to open up to God about all your feelings. If you need a prayer or are struggling with this, you can email me at darialitvinov@hotmail.com and I would love to pray with you!

If you want to pray on your own, here is a sample prayer for you! God bless you!

Dear Jesus, I feel angry at you. I have blamed you for ____, ______ and _______. I now know that the enemy has tricked me into thinking that you were the one that caused this in my life. Please forgive me for my anger towards you and for turning away. I want to reconcile my relationship with you and welcome you back into my life and my heart. Thank you for your forgiveness and love towards me. Please help me discern your works from the works of the enemy in my life. I pray for protection over myself and my family, in Jesus name. Amen.

A miracle occurs.

How many of you need a miracle in your current life? I sure do! This is why I get extra excited when I get to be a witness to one of God’s amazing miracles…this is why I want to share this true story with you, so you will have a speckle of hope light up in your heart, because Faith is what moves the miracle closer to you … nothing is impossible if we believe!

I have a friend who I watched lose two babies in the last two years…it was devastating and traumatic experience for her and for me, as I got to carry and deliver a healthy baby girl while she was going though all this. I felt guilty, I really wanted her to experience the joy I was experiencing…but time after time she was loosing her pregnancies and falling in despair. On top of it all she got diagnosed with a condition that did not give good prognosis for future pregnancies. All this happened because after her first delivery a doctor made a mistake … can you imagine? How unfair! Through this all, as time went on, she picked her broken self up and decided to try to reserve to medicine to fix her problems and try again. I was so happy to hear these news, because at our last conversation she did not even want to try again because of the pain she experienced loosing her pregnancy…

So happened that we got to spend some time together last month and one of the evenings we decided to pray for her future pregnancy and baby. As we invited God into the room, I felt His presence immediately. I lead her in prayer to forgive the doctor that caused her condition, she forgave him and released him. We continued to pray together and I began to just bless her… as I prayed I began to see liquid thick drops of Gold, just pouring over her belly. It looked like honey dripping down. It was unbelievable! For a moment I froze and was just watching this scene, I knew God was at work, but I did know know what He was doing. We finished the prayer and I told my friend about my experience. She said she felt some movement in her belly as this was happening, as if a ball was rolling around.

After this prayer both of us went on to live our lives, she had fertility doctors appointment coming up in few weeks and I was busy with my own things… we did not talk about this experience again until one morning a few days go when she gave me a call. She was calling to let me know that she never made it to her fertility specialist appointment, because just a few short weeks after the prayer… SHE WAS PREGNANT!

The joy I felt is absolutely out of this word. It worked! Our prayer worked, God granted her the desire of her heart! A baby is on the way, a miracle, a blessed child! I am still rejoicing! God made a way where there seemed to be no way. He worked in the ways that we cannot see nor describe. It was so effortless and natural to receive this answer and for my friend this baby means the world…so I ask everyone who is reading this to join in prayer for this miracle baby. The due date is October 2019 and as soon as child is born I will post on here to let all of you guys know! Please, join us in prayer for this blessed baby!

I also want to encourage all of you to bring forth your needs and desires to God, he is able to answer your prayers and grant you your miracles! I have seen Him do it over and over again and this is a reason why I write – I want to share about these experiences that He lets me be a part of.

Today, if you need a miracle please just reach your hand towards the Heavens, as the Gold of blessing is still pouring… what miracle are you praying for? I would love to pray with you! Please email me darialitvinov@hotmail.com and I promise to pray with you until we see the answer! God will make a way for you too!

Be blessed!