Is it OK to be Angry with God?

I was at a counseling session sometime back dealing with the issue of forgiveness towards my father, when my counselor said: ” Dasha, God picked your father for you, what do you think about that?”. Immediately I was short of breath, I could not believe the amount of anger that stirred up inside of me from hearing these words. I wanted to close my ears, and run away, I wished I had never heard her say that. I realized I was so angry at God and simultaneously I felt that my relationship with Jesus is now ruined forever…How could God do this to me? Why was he so cruel. Why would he give me a dad who caused much of my childhood trauma and then abandoned me as a teenager? Why did my friends have better dads? What did I do to deserve this?

She then asked me, what are you thinking about? How do you feel? I told her that I cannot believe God would do that to me and that my whole life I did not think of God being ever responsible for my pain. At that moment, the scariest thing for me was an intense feeling of torn relationship and trust between me and God. Going back, I became a believer at 18 years old following my parents divorce, my drug addiction and reckless lifestyle. God rescued me from self destruction and gave me a new, happy life. He truly set my feet on the right path. I trusted God from day 1 of my salvation, thanked Him and He was the only one I had clean record of a relationship with. He was the only one I trusted. He still is! But at that moment I became so fearful that now God too will abandon me because I got angry at Him.

My counselor then asked me to tell God how I feel… what do you mean? I said, I can tell Him that I am angry at Him? Yes, of corse – He is your Father and He wants you to be honest with Him about your feelings. It was hard for me to make the words come out of my mouth, but I did it – I told Him that I am angry with Him for picking my father. Immediately I felt relief, as if God was hugging me and a sense of peace came over me. I felt God say to me: ” Thank you for coming to me with this, thank you for opening up to me, you mean the World to me and I have never -ever done anything to hurt you or cause you harm. I have always been by your side, since before you were born, comforting you and protecting you. I am not the one that caused your dad act the way he did…trust me”. I began to cry rivers of tears and at the same time I let out a deep breath and received a sense of peace and reconciliation of my relationship with God. I feel that this experience made us closer and now I can come to Him with ANYTHING, even when my emotions are against Him. I can be myself with God, telling Him exactly how I feel and letting Him shine the truth on hard and tricky life situations. In my experience, coming to God with my anger towards Him set me free to a deeper trust and relationship with my Heavenly Father. I did ask God for forgiveness for my anger and false accusations I had against Him and He gladly forgave me. Forgiveness in life is the most beautiful gift – it is amazing how quickly a relationship can come back to life when you simply ask for forgiveness. Having un-forgiveness towards God can truly destroy your life at the root, setting you up for failure.

Why do people get angry at God..

In my opinion due to the lies of the enemy. I believe it is satan’s biggest assignment to set people against God. He comes in a mask, appearing as your father, blaming things on God, when in reality he is the one behind any destruction. Bible says that “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” John 10:10. In view of this, I know that anything destructive in my life is NOT caused by Jesus. When the fall of man happened (more on that in Genesis 3) the enemy got the right to rule over this Earth and attack people with his assignments. Anything broken, lacking, painful, and chaotic in your life is the autograph of the enemy. The moment you believe any of that is sent to you by God as punishment or for any other reason, you let yourself believe in the lie of the enemy and you separate yourself from God ( God never departs from you, but you can take a step back!). Many people, including myself have made a mistake of blaming God for what God DID NOT do in their lives. Even when you accept Christ as your savior you must discern if the enemy is attacking you and act accordingly.

But what about Job you say? Why did God allow the satan to torment Job? He did not! The enemy already had a right to do so due to the fall of man, therefore God did not need to give him permission to torment Job. The truth is, we will all get attacked by the enemy while we live here on Earth, but we MUST learn to discern when the attack is happening and we MUST know the truth about God – He came to save us, to give us abundant life and to love us endlessly. Today is the day you can take authority over the blame you put on God for horrible things the enemy caused in your life and be set free. Just like in my life this will cause deeper relationship with God, peace freedom and joy.

I bless you in Jesus name with higher sense of discernment in your life. I bless you to know the difference between things that are of God and that are of the enemy in your life. I bless you to reconcile with God and I bless you to learn how to open up to God about all your feelings. If you need a prayer or are struggling with this, you can email me at darialitvinov@hotmail.com and I would love to pray with you!

If you want to pray on your own, here is a sample prayer for you! God bless you!

Dear Jesus, I feel angry at you. I have blamed you for ____, ______ and _______. I now know that the enemy has tricked me into thinking that you were the one that caused this in my life. Please forgive me for my anger towards you and for turning away. I want to reconcile my relationship with you and welcome you back into my life and my heart. Thank you for your forgiveness and love towards me. Please help me discern your works from the works of the enemy in my life. I pray for protection over myself and my family, in Jesus name. Amen.

A miracle occurs.

How many of you need a miracle in your current life? I sure do! This is why I get extra excited when I get to be a witness to one of God’s amazing miracles…this is why I want to share this true story with you, so you will have a speckle of hope light up in your heart, because Faith is what moves the miracle closer to you … nothing is impossible if we believe!

I have a friend who I watched lose two babies in the last two years…it was devastating and traumatic experience for her and for me, as I got to carry and deliver a healthy baby girl while she was going though all this. I felt guilty, I really wanted her to experience the joy I was experiencing…but time after time she was loosing her pregnancies and falling in despair. On top of it all she got diagnosed with a condition that did not give good prognosis for future pregnancies. All this happened because after her first delivery a doctor made a mistake … can you imagine? How unfair! Through this all, as time went on, she picked her broken self up and decided to try to reserve to medicine to fix her problems and try again. I was so happy to hear these news, because at our last conversation she did not even want to try again because of the pain she experienced loosing her pregnancy…

So happened that we got to spend some time together last month and one of the evenings we decided to pray for her future pregnancy and baby. As we invited God into the room, I felt His presence immediately. I lead her in prayer to forgive the doctor that caused her condition, she forgave him and released him. We continued to pray together and I began to just bless her… as I prayed I began to see liquid thick drops of Gold, just pouring over her belly. It looked like honey dripping down. It was unbelievable! For a moment I froze and was just watching this scene, I knew God was at work, but I did know know what He was doing. We finished the prayer and I told my friend about my experience. She said she felt some movement in her belly as this was happening, as if a ball was rolling around.

After this prayer both of us went on to live our lives, she had fertility doctors appointment coming up in few weeks and I was busy with my own things… we did not talk about this experience again until one morning a few days go when she gave me a call. She was calling to let me know that she never made it to her fertility specialist appointment, because just a few short weeks after the prayer… SHE WAS PREGNANT!

The joy I felt is absolutely out of this word. It worked! Our prayer worked, God granted her the desire of her heart! A baby is on the way, a miracle, a blessed child! I am still rejoicing! God made a way where there seemed to be no way. He worked in the ways that we cannot see nor describe. It was so effortless and natural to receive this answer and for my friend this baby means the world…so I ask everyone who is reading this to join in prayer for this miracle baby. The due date is October 2019 and as soon as child is born I will post on here to let all of you guys know! Please, join us in prayer for this blessed baby!

I also want to encourage all of you to bring forth your needs and desires to God, he is able to answer your prayers and grant you your miracles! I have seen Him do it over and over again and this is a reason why I write – I want to share about these experiences that He lets me be a part of.

Today, if you need a miracle please just reach your hand towards the Heavens, as the Gold of blessing is still pouring… what miracle are you praying for? I would love to pray with you! Please email me darialitvinov@hotmail.com and I promise to pray with you until we see the answer! God will make a way for you too!

Be blessed!

1 step forward, 10 steps back…still gets you ahead!

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. (Isaiah 41:10)

Two days ago, while in a kick boxing class the inspiration to pour my heart out on this subject came without a warning. I had been on a healthy work out routine for the last 5 months and I have been enjoying it so much. However, on that day I really felt like giving up. On that day I found out that I gained 5 pounds, I was exhausted, unhappy and the words: “Give up! This is not for you! You were never meant to stick with this!” were constantly nudging in my brain. Regardless, I somehow managed to get my 3 children in a car while spilling snacks, getting my hair pulled out and forgetting my water bottle…it was raining hard, there was no parking at the gym, kids were loud and the headache was unavoidable… I began to question my purpose behind my decision to go to the gym on that day. I guess I just looking for something that would snap me out of this “tired mom mode” and get me into better mood. I finally made it after changing a dirty diaper, comforting my one year old and smiling at a teenage girl that was chatting with me about something. I made it, but I was at least 10 minutes late… I awkwardly found a spot in an over filled class and the feeling of ” I don’t belong here” was really strong…

The whole class I was exhausted and uncomfortable, I could not look at myself in the mirror, I was disappointed. I truly felt like I took 10 steps back and I do not have an energy to keep going forward… As the class went on, I reflected on multiple times in my life when I was in a similar situation. This feeling and these thoughts were so familiar to me:

It was when I planned 5 years in a row to finish a yearly bible reading challenge, just to give up on day 7! It was when I bought new running shoes and only took 1 jog in them. It was when I decided that I will read a bed time story to my children every night, just to give up after the first one. It was multiple attempts at learning to be patient and organized. It is always, when I strive to have a clean house, home cooked meals and folded laundry… It was also when I dreamed about something, just to tell myself that this dream is too big for you…

This list can go on for days…but I think you get the picture. I think at this point you can relate, at this point you are feeling that knot in your throat over the things that you took 10 steps back on…things, dreams, goals, desires that are thrown over your shoulder and are still waiting to be accomplished.

Some of us are there now, some of us have been there, some of us will be there – but it is what are we going to do once we realize that our goals are not going to meet themselves is what will bring momentum to finish! See, I am a person that loves to take first steps, it is easy for me, thrilling, and exiting. It is the second step that is problematic for me…I never know if it will move me forward or backward.

Two days ago the picture was clear for me, in order to continuously move forward, I must always put myself outside of my comfort zone. I must move through fear, weakness, doubt, and “change of heart”.
I must also give myself grace to pick up where I left off, regardless of how much time had passed and how far away I am from my goal. God is the author of Grace – it is a beautiful thing! Living a life of Grace is so freeing! You have Grace, for every day, for every situation – just accept it and move forward!

If there is still a burning desire in you to finish what you once have started it is a big sign to start taking small steps forward. You will never reach your goals by giving up, but you will reach them if you choose to take a step forward every once in a while, regardless of the circumstances. You will find out that each time it gets easier, each time you get closer and stronger. This is how you accomplish things in life, its simple but not easy. You must move forward!

Today I want to ask you – please, do not give up on your dreams. Re-set you goals and begin moving towards them. I guarantee you, very soon you will see such change! Still waters often begin to flourish with bacteria and odor, moving waters bring life! Choose to move forward today and always! You are a masterpiece and nothing less, remember that!

Love, Dasha


Creating ripples

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

I took this picture on the day that I created this blog. I was at a beautiful park in Kirkland, WA and as I was looking at this lake I was filled with such peace. There, I realized that I am taking my first deep breath in a while, because life was just too hectic at the moment. The water was so still and I had an urge to break up this stillness. I took a big rock and threw it into the lake – how satisfactory it was! The rock created ripples and splashes and that brought me joy. It also filled me with a sense of freedom, as if that rock was pulled out from deep within me.

In the last two years God began a process in me of getting rid of things that laid heavy on my heart. Things like un-forgiveness, bitterness, jealousy, performance orientation behavior, low self esteem, anxiety and deep sense of loneliness. All of these things have brought me down daily and were significantly diminishing my quality of spiritual life. Working on myself at times feels like peeling an onion – the moment I solve an issue, another inner issue seems to surface. Nevertheless, I have experienced extraordinary miracles DAILY since beginning this process and I am looking forward to what is to come.

See, when I began to remove the walls around my heart and letting God on the inside, the atmosphere of my life shifted. Similarly to the ripples and splashes that were created by the rock I threw into a still lake – I began to see ripples and specks of Gods work in my daily life. This is why I am here, I want to bring you along on a journey of how REAL God can be in your life…I also want to share what is burning in my heart and what He is walking me through.
Most importantly, I want to help anyone, who is willing to burst open their hearts to God…because that is the only way to experience complete freedom, overflow with the power of the Holy Spirit and live in Peace.

Where do I start you ask?
Well, for me it was finding time to be still, turn on some music in the background and asking God in prayer to show me what is hindering me. As I closed my eyes thoughts came and I wrote them down. I trusted that those thoughts were from God and said yes to His invitation to free me…

What is He speaking to you today? What is hindering you? What is it that you must throw away in order to live in freedom?